I don’t suffer with depression, of this I am eternally grateful. I do, however, live with it. My husband has depression and has suffered with this crippling illness for over 20 years. We have only been together for 6 years and sometimes I do wonder to myself why I didn’t just walk away right at the start. That sounds harsh I know but it’s true. It takes an incredible toll on our relationship.
At the moment I am imploding. Quietly. He is going through a difficult time right now and I have reached tipping point. I’m just not sure how to support him this time. I feel like I’ve run empty on the right things to say, on the right things to do, on the support I can give him. It’s tearing me apart as I feel like my marriage is in danger of falling apart. I have my own things going on – financial stress mainly, as usual. Normally I seem to be able to cope with everything life throws at me but right now I just don’t have it in me. I just want to shout ‘pull yourself together’ despite knowing full well this is the WORST thing I can say.
Depression is a nasty, selfish, all-consuming illness and unless you have lived with it, either personally or through someone else, you will never understand its effects. It is debilitating. It is driving us apart. I feel lost. I love him but I’m not sure that’s enough right now.