Following on from my last post about living with someone who has depression, I wanted to make something clear that perhaps I didn’t before. Although I question myself about why I didn’t walk away right at the start, I’m always glad I didn’t. I love my husband and he loves me, I think more than I will ever be able to reciprocate. We make a good team.
We don’t have an easy marriage, that’s for sure. Although we are very similar in some ways: we both love the outdoors and we both do a lot of exercise; we are also very different. I have always been a social animal. I love spending my time with my friends and family, I like going out, I like doing exercise with others (I run with friends, I cycle with a club, I go to Crossfit and enjoy being part of that community). My other half, on the other hand, likes to be solitary. He always exercises alone. He doesn’t look forward to group gatherings. He particularly dislikes large group events (weddings, etc.). He likes to spend time with me but otherwise he is much happier by himself. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t have friends, he does, but I wouldn’t call them close friends.
I love my dog, Bailey. My husband is not really an animal person. This has an affect on us as he gets jealous of the dog. I think that’s crazy but for him it’s very real. Bailey has been with me since he was 8 weeks old. I can’t have children but I can have a dog. To me he is like a child and people who aren’t dog lovers just don’t get this.
We bicker. We bicker about silly things. We’re a bit like my mum and dad in that respect and they have been together over 50 years so maybe that’s not a bad thing 😉 We struggle financially. I don’t know why as we both work hard but we’re just both inherently bad with money. We have no security, no savings, nothing in place for the future. We have debt. We live from hand to mouth and I’m sure this doesn’t help with the stresses of things. Still, we have a roof over our heads, we have food on the table and we get by. Of this we should be extremely grateful as there are others out there a lot less fortunate than us.
Living with someone with depression is really hard. The good times are great but the bad times can be really bad. And they can be unexpected. There doesn’t have to be a reason, a trigger. It can just happen. And I’m not always ready for it. This time I really wasn’t ready for it. He’s doing better. He’s upped his meds and he’s setting out strategies for himself. We even talked about the affect it has on me. He bought me flowers. They are beautiful flowers and the same colours as our wedding flowers ❤ He knows that his illness is selfish. He knows how much it impacts me and he is eternally grateful for my support. In fact you can read all about it from his perspective here.
I went to see a friend on Friday afternoon. A good friend who only lives 20 minutes away and who I don’t see nearly enough. She is struggling too. We both need to be there for each other. Friends are so important. Having someone to talk to is so important. I am setting myself some additional goals for this year and that is to spend more time with friends. To be there for my friends and for them to be there for me. A problem shared and all that… I’m also going to stop comparing my marriage to other people’s. It doesn’t work like that. We are all different. We all have our crosses to bear, some just more than others.