Bad mother?

I don’t even know if the IVF has been successful yet but I’m already thinking I’m a bad mother. I haven’t been looking after myself properly. I can’t have been as I’m run down. I have a coldsore. I never get coldsores. I have what is, at worst, a chest infection and at best, a nasty whoopy cough and a cold.

The problem is that I don’t have the sort of job where if I phone in sick the work will wait or someone else will pick it up for me. If I phone in sick there’s a group of year 6 kids left without an instructor to run activities for them.

I felt a bit better yesterday morning too and, as I wasn’t in until lunchtime I was able to have a lie-in. What I would have done, if I wasn’t such a bad mother, is go to the doctor. But I didn’t. I chose to stay in bed instead hoping it would pass. Then, in the evening, I took 30 children on a night walk in the wind and the rain for an hour and a half. The kids loved it. The teachers loved it. I did my job well. I now feel like crap 😷

Now it’s Saturday. I have been sent home from work by my good friend and colleague who has said they will work it out. I need to be in bed. I’m not a good mother. I had to be told to go home. I do, however, have a strong work ethic. Maybe my priorities are all wrong. Perhaps I’m too stuck in my ways. I was told ‘normal life’ and this is ‘normal’ for me.

Typically, as it’s Saturday, I now can’t see the doctor. Bad mother.

5 thoughts on “Bad mother?

  1. You’re not a bad mother, you’re doing what you need to do just now. I’ve often found ivf cycles increased the chance of me getting a cold sore & so has AF…I think the hormone changes can make you more susceptible to them. I hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Putting kids’ needs before your own? You sound like a fab mother to me. I can understand you not wanting to drop everything right now as I’d want to be as distracted as possible.

    Also, I think it sounds like you listened to your body and gave it what it needs. Given that you’re PUPO a lie-in will be far more therapeutic than anything a doctor can offer.

    Finally there’s a lot of evidence connecting being outdoors with wellbeing. It sounds like you’ve given yourself every opportunity to make this work.

    Don’t beat yourself up! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your not a bad mother and will never be one. You look after kids and put them before yourself, that’s the sign of good mothering. The doctor would only give you medicines that would cover up the symptoms and not let your body do it’s job properly. Hugs and get well soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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